You are currently browsing the monthly archive for January 2008.

Now I’m ready to talk. I feel like I’ve gone through so much these past few months. My personal turmoil that has been brewing these many years has reached it’s climax. I have so many things to share that I don’t even know where to start. But of course, I have to start somewhere.

I have wanted to share my personal struggle in my other blog. Actually, I started writing about it there. But when people started noticing my blog, I hesitated to go on. It was already too late to be anonymous.

This is the reason why I started this new blog. Of course, I’m not completely anonymous as I carried on the same name and title. But at least my friends and family won’t know about this and this way, I can express myself freely, without any inhibitions.


It’s been ten weeks now since I went back to work. Not that I haven’t been working at home for the last six years. I meant going back to work at the office.

It seems that the ten weeks went by just like that but at the same time, a lot of changes have happened to me. And there are times when I feel like it’s been years since I last worked at home.

Changes – I mean in and out.

As a start, I lost ten pounds and four inches, on the waist, where else do you think? 🙂 I should be happy about that eh? In a way, I am. Because I really wanted to lose the weight. But I guess the circumstances that brought about the weight loss were not ideal.

“Cause you’re not eating,” Michelle said when I showed her how loose my pants were. Of course I’m eating, but not as much as she does. Just because I stay at my desk at lunch doesn’t mean that I’m not eating. Well, I did stop eating junk food, which Michelle does at her desk. 🙂 Peace, Michelle. 🙂 Okay, maybe I’m not eating a full meal at lunch. But I’m eating my fruits, a muffin or something else and I drink my juice.

“Cause you’re stressed,” Talits said. I think that’s mainly the reason why.

Michelle and Talits are two of the friends who have been very supportive these past couple of months as I try to deal with a personal crisis that I have to go through.

And of course, another reason was my two jobs. I was working seven days a week and my weekend job was physically demanding. I was up on my feet and I did a lot of walking during my shifts. The key word here is WAS. I quit that job after two months. Not only was the pay low, even with the Sunday premium, but it has been hard on my family especially my youngest son, who missed me so much.

As I said to Libs, “I think I only took that job to avoid the man on the weekends.” To which she added, “You can’t run away from your problems.” I knew that.

As I look back now, I think it was a very silly reason because not only did it not help the relationship, but it hurt the children as well since I wasn’t around that much. And I think I really made a drastic change. I was at home for six years and I started my second job almost at the same time that I went back to work at the office. It was just too hard on the kids.

So, I finally had the Saturday night and Sunday off last weekend. I went to buy me some new pants. I was wearing a size 10 just last week and they looked really baggy on me. Now I’m wearing a size 6! And I thought that I only went down two sizes. How about that huh? And I was already feeling good about myself until I told Chat about it and I found out that she sometimes wears a size four. I still love you Chat. 🙂 But I’m happy with size 6. That’s my normal size.

And yeah, that problem that I was trying to run away from, I’ve already faced and dealt with. It wasn’t easy. It took a lot out of me emotionally. But I did.

So am I a changed person now? I think I’m slowly changing. And that’s partly because the man’s starting to change, too.